Lost Control
I lost control today.
I was sitting on my bed trying to organize my underwear drawer when I suddenly took a swipe (several actually) at my innocent undies. And then I just sat there and stared at all the things that were on the floor. After a while, after I had my temper under control, I started putting them back, acting like nothing happened.
And I lost control again.
It was hot and I was tired and my feet were sweating nonstop. I had just finished changing my sheets and pillowcases, and I did not want to stain them with my dirt. I almost started throwing underwear again but thankfully I was able to find a clean pair of ankle socks.
There are just days when I wish things were different, that I was born with a different body. No sweaty palms. No sweaty feet. I wish I was normal. I could write on a piece of paper without fearing that I would get the paper wet. I wish I could wear flipflops without that nagging thought at the back of my mind that I might slip any time. I wish I could send a simple text message without having to erase words because I pressed too many letters. I wish I could live a life where I am not embarrassed when people shake or hold my hands. I don't want to be that girl in the corner who looks so uncomfortable and is too embarrassed to meet people because she doesn't want to shake hands.
Sure, people get sweaty palms all the time when they're nervous or when it's hot. Me? Full on typhoon - sweaty palms. Airconditioned room - sweaty palms. Getting my nails done in an airconditioned salon - sweaty palms. Sweaty palms and feet for about 20 hours of every day.
I know there's a medical solution for my condition, but seeing as I'm dirt poor I don't think I can get it any time soon.
My sweaty palms and feet were part of why I lost it today. I was uncomfortable. I felt dirty. I felt unclean. Plus it was really hot out today. All that combined made me lose my temper. My handkerchief is slowly getting soaked while I am writing this.
Because of my condition, I think my life is going to be one big exercise in patience and living with the thought that I may not be able to do things most people take for granted. I just have to live with it I guess. Can't ask God to give me a new body at this point in my life.
I was sitting on my bed trying to organize my underwear drawer when I suddenly took a swipe (several actually) at my innocent undies. And then I just sat there and stared at all the things that were on the floor. After a while, after I had my temper under control, I started putting them back, acting like nothing happened.
And I lost control again.
It was hot and I was tired and my feet were sweating nonstop. I had just finished changing my sheets and pillowcases, and I did not want to stain them with my dirt. I almost started throwing underwear again but thankfully I was able to find a clean pair of ankle socks.
There are just days when I wish things were different, that I was born with a different body. No sweaty palms. No sweaty feet. I wish I was normal. I could write on a piece of paper without fearing that I would get the paper wet. I wish I could wear flipflops without that nagging thought at the back of my mind that I might slip any time. I wish I could send a simple text message without having to erase words because I pressed too many letters. I wish I could live a life where I am not embarrassed when people shake or hold my hands. I don't want to be that girl in the corner who looks so uncomfortable and is too embarrassed to meet people because she doesn't want to shake hands.
Sure, people get sweaty palms all the time when they're nervous or when it's hot. Me? Full on typhoon - sweaty palms. Airconditioned room - sweaty palms. Getting my nails done in an airconditioned salon - sweaty palms. Sweaty palms and feet for about 20 hours of every day.
I know there's a medical solution for my condition, but seeing as I'm dirt poor I don't think I can get it any time soon.
My sweaty palms and feet were part of why I lost it today. I was uncomfortable. I felt dirty. I felt unclean. Plus it was really hot out today. All that combined made me lose my temper. My handkerchief is slowly getting soaked while I am writing this.
Because of my condition, I think my life is going to be one big exercise in patience and living with the thought that I may not be able to do things most people take for granted. I just have to live with it I guess. Can't ask God to give me a new body at this point in my life.
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