Stating the Obvious and Asking Obvious Questions

Obvious things annoy me. 

Like when you come in to work dripping wet because you got caught in a torrential downpour and people ask you if it's raining outside. Like when you had waist length hair last week and now you have a bob and people ask you if you cut your hair. 

Like my mother earlier today. I was carrying my sleeping daughter to her room when my mom asked me if she was asleep. 

If I gave honest answers to every person who ever asked me an obvious question, I would have very few friends. I often have a sarcastic reply in my head, but I have been working on trying to get along with people so I keep the sarcasm inside me. 

I come in dripping wet from the rain:
"Is it raining outside?"
"No. I just felt like dousing myself in water and coming in to work just so I could ruin the carpet. And my shoes."

Just got back from the beach and I have a tan:
"Oh my God! You're darker."
"Well duh. Congratulations on your great eyesight."

I need to change my contacts so I come to work wearing glasses:
"You wear glasses?"
"(Blank stare)The better for me to see how stupid you are."

Someone I haven't seen in a long time sees me at the mall:
"Oh my God! You're so fat!"
"Oh my God! You're still ugly."